“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” – John 14:13-14
“I am the Lord, The God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Jeremiah 32:27
This is ....
the last full week of preschool.
The week of Hua Hua's dress rehearsal (tomorrow) and dance recital (Saturday).
And the beginning of life - hopefully - getting a litte less structured as one by one school, then dance, then soccer, and finally chinese school break for the year. It feels like this frantic race to the end of the classroom year is about to come to a screeching halt - and I can hardly wait. Let summer begin!!!
Today is Mother's Day. It's not that long ago when I dreaded this day. As much as I loved my mom (and of course still do!), during our 10 year infertility experience, Mother's Day was a painful annual reminder of how God had not answered our prayer for children. it was a day when Motherhoood was celebrated everywhere so there was no escaping the wound of being barren, a wound that stung more than I could ever put into words. I remember avoiding church every Mother's day - and still cringe at how church's handle this day. While no one means to do anything other than to honor moms, for those who long to be moms, who pray continually to be one, and who are met, for whatever reason, with unanswered prayer, the church's policy of handing mothers flowers, having them stand and be applauded, praising their work while never acknowledging infertility -well, it's the worst.
So, I guess because of this background, even today i approach Mother's day with mixed feelings- excitement for the now, still remembering the pain of the before. Today I woke up not expecting much. Dan took his choir to Ohio and cedar pointe yesterday for a competition. he got home at nearly 2 a.m. today. He's exhausted. But by 5;30 a.m. I knew soemtihng was up. Hua Hua was awake and in our room wondering if it was time for the surprise. At 7 a.m. Hua Hua and Dan were up, and I was told to stay in bed. A short time later both girls, and their Daddy slowly came into my room. Both girls were jumping up and down with excitement. Much to my surprise they had fixed me a glass of mango juice - in a beautiful new wine glass. With some help from Daddy they had cut up a mixture of my favorite fruits served in a beautiful new bowl. and they had filled another new shiny bowl with my favorite cereal, all served on a new shiny tray.
While rachel said happy birthday :-) --- Hua Hua said happy mother's day. They smoothered me with hugs and kisses, and I never felt more loved while daddy smiled on from nearby. While God did not answer my prayers for motherhood how I envisioned or in my timing, He sure has blessed me more than I could ever hope for or imagine and I can honestly say would not want things any other way than how they are today. I love my girls and husband so much. This is already the best Mother's day i've ever had. Happy mother's day to all the mom's out there ... and all those who long in their heart to be one some day.
We're applying to the Christian school for kindergarten! After much prayer and visits to the school, conversations with other parents there, conversations with the principal, more prayer, and an amazing amount of paperwork- we are applying....
On Friday Hua Hua goes in for some sort of developmental testing before her regular preschool class. On Saturday she goes in again for a sample kindergarten class before chinese school, and then we wait. If the elder board decides to help us with tuition costs and we're accepted, we'll enroll her and my life starting in fall will involve A LOT of time in the car but hopefully the school will be everything we hope it will be, making it all more than worth it.
And if we don't get the scholarship help, well, mark this down as a learning process and we're back at the public school having to decide between five full days or five half days. Thanks for everyone who has encouraged us on this. Now the waiting begins!
We are a month into crunch time, and boy, am i feeling it. By crunch time I mean the time of year when Dan is working 24/7 -- or so it feels, between choir, musicals, summer music camp planning, end of year stuff, private students, etc. He works at home on the weekends and he works often until the kids are in bed during the week. It is exhausting for him, and having him gone and working so much, is exhausting for me. We're one month into this ... we have nearly two months more to go.
Add to this that I am fighting a cold that has just sapped my energy. Add to that poor sleeping -- hua hua has been waking between 3-5 pretty regularly for the past week with bad dreams. Add to that extra end of the year stuff we have (dance recital costume-rehearsal-practice issues, speech contests, kindergarten preparation-- visiting schools, filling out forms, making decisions...) add to that mounds of yard work that needs to be tended to now and can't wait until late June, add to that all the normal cooking three meals a day, raising the kids, house stuff and, well, I'm feeling exhausted and defeated.
I think one of the hardest things about being a stay-at-home moms is one of the greatest blessings -- you're home with your kids. That means the work is never done. And of course, on the flip, the blessings are countless. I'm trying to keep my mind focused on the later.
Hua Hua is playing soccer! She's on the munchkin team -- about 40 or 50 kids who all practice together on Tuesday and then team up to play a half dozen games or so on thursdays. Man, does she love it!
On Monday we picked out her shoes, socks, shin guards and ball -- all pink, of course. When we brought them home that day, i had the hardest time getting her to take them off. the coach of her league is great - he manages to keep the attention of 40-50 boys and girls, all ages 4 to 6, and teach them things as well, which is amazing. It is a no-stress league where the teams switch each week and where he tries to match kids with their skill level. Hua Hua played her first game tonight and she did pretty well. She and a big boy on the opposite team seemed to be going against each other with the ball most of the night - she even shot two goals -- but unfortuately she shot them in a neighboring goal net, verses the one she was supposed to shoot it in, so it didnt count! the first picture is of her at practice Tuesday, the second is of the game - with her and the big boy going at it.
Grandma and Grandpa came along and shot some video. If you'd like to see her in action, click here:
Hua Hua has her first crush. His name is Max. I'm not quite sure what to make of this.
Max is in her preschool one day each week. But Hua Hua talks about him every day. She tries to figure out what type of things boys play, in hopes of being able to play them with Max. She draws pictures of her and Max. She asked me how to spell Max, and when I told her, she started writing Hua Hua (then she drew a heart) Max, and other times she writes Max (draws a heart) Hua Hua. She wears special pretty clothes to school on Wednesdays, the day max is there. And lately she has started wanting to wear her hair in braids- a look she thinks he likes. She wants Max to come over and play.
Max has brown hair. Bangs. Green eyes. he's tall, for a 5 year old, and seems a little shy. He's often standing around her or following her, looking sweet but a little uncomfortable. I have no idea who his mother is. It is always the father or grandparents who pick him up. And this whole thing has caught me by surprise.
I never had a crush so young. It is certainly innoncent enough, and when preschool ends in four or 5 weeks, i doubt we'll see Max again. But my, my ... why does this stuff have to start so young??
I wasn't sure how she'd do. I tried my best to prepare her. But secretly, I was worried. Very worried.
Today was the speech contest for Hua Hua's chinese school. She was assigned a poem to recite and read. It was 8 lines. It was a tricky one, unlike some of the sing-song ones that she already knew from her videos, and she was having some trouble getting it down. So we practiced. And practiced. And practiced. She memorized it, but would often need help with the first word of the 6th and the 7th line. Without it she would get stuck. And whenever we rehearsed, she was uncharacteristically shy. Didn't want me to look at her when she "performed." yet alone i caught her often reciting it, and I could tell she was excited. Then finally today came - the big day.
My sweet little girl was the third child to go. She followed a 7 and 8 year old - the oldest kids in her class who performed their poems perfectly. Then it was her turn. She went to the stage, faced about 200-250 people, and, unlike the bigger kids, she would not let go of her teacher's hand. Holding on to her teacher for dear life, a look of total fear filled her face, she said her poem in record speed, and yes, she did stumble over the two lines that always tripped her up but she kept going and going.
When finished she said thank you in chinese. She bowed before the judges and audience, and practically ran off the stage, still glued to her teacher. It took all that was in me to not run to her, sweep her up in my arms and smother her with hugs and kisses.
At the end of the day she did not win the trophies for her class. (three trophies went out, two to the kids who proceeded her.) But she, like everyone else in her group, got a medal. It's big, bright, and very special. She beamed. She and rachel and i went out to mcdonald's to celebrate after. Lots of other families from her school showed up there, too. Hua Hua told everyone she met about her medal, and kept it on thru her meal and playing and the car ride home.
I hope she remembers the feeling she has now with her medal, and forgets the fear of standing before the big crowd. Just remembering all this morning, has got me all choked up. Sure love my little trooper.
I am so confused about kindergarten. Remember how i was last year with preschool? this year it feels like deja vue ... unfortunately. After prayer and visits to various schools, Dan and I thought we were all set with sending Hua Hua to our local public school for kindergarten in the fall and THEN...
- Our church announced that special scholarships were going to be available to help church families enroll their kids at the church's school.
- and our local public school decided to change their entire format, handle the change and announcement extremely poorly, and cause us to wonder if this is where we want Hua Hua to be.
So, today I got to see both schools back to back. First stop was our local public school. Hua Hua joined about 25 other kids for a kindergarten-like program where the kindergarten teachers met the kids, got to see a bit of their skill level for placement and introduce them to the building while the parents listened to a very slanted presentation about why all these changes are good.
AND THEN the girls and i high-tailed it to our church's christian school, where friendly people met us at the door, fussed over the girls, and took us on a tour of the school that completely dazzled me - much to my surprize, i might add, and left me so excited, I was ready to sign Hua Hua up right then and there.
So what to do?
The picture on the far left is of Rachel and her cousin Jacob. The two are a month apart. Aren't they the cutest? They saw each other on our trip ... that feels like a few months ago... (is it really true we've only been home for two weeks???)
And the picture in the middle is of Rachel being pushed by Rachel - our friend's daughter. Both of our Rachel's were born in Xiushan, Chongqing. And the last picture is of Hua Hua with her friend Audrey - both born in qianjiang, Chongqing. It was so much fun to see the girls together....
I'm afraid I've been missing in blog land because life is so busy! some highlights... unpacking from florida, raking leaves (i've raked 30 bags and we easily have that many bags still out there in the giant yard), handling most stuff around the house & with the kids (dan is in crunch time at work and home very little now thru the end of june), watching Tai - my parent's dog, enrolling hua hua in soccer (starts next week!) and the biggie ... dealing with kindergarten.
Our school district held a meeting over the weekend and decided to switch to full day every day kindergarten - not what we want or what we registered for. So, we are trying to figure out what to do. It looks like the district may keep things the same for some families at some schools - we are waiting to see. it's all very confusing now and has been the buzz in our house, and our neighborhood, and for me personally, the subject of much prayer.
During our trip we spent two days visiting Clearwater beach - one of our favorite spots by Dan's parents. In the old pre-kid days, Dan and i spent our time swimming in the ocean, and when we were exhausted from that, collapsing in the sand with a good book. This time, with two young girls to watch, we took the divide and conquer approach. Dan spent his time with Hua Hua, whose favorite activity was to search for beautiful seashells and put them in her pail to take home. And I took Rachel, whose favorite activity was to run as fast as she could in one direction, stop, jump around in the sand, do a little song and dance number, maybe pick up some wet slippery sand with her bare hand and put it in a pail, then run as fast as possible in the other direction and repeat.
Once or twice rachel tried to "help" hua hua collect seashells. by helping she struck her shovel to a big sandy mound of cracked seashell pieces and dumped them into hua hua's pail of special, meticulously cleaned and near perfect shells - to her sister's dismay. Rachel would say something like, "help hua Hua," while hua hua would be near hysterical from the help. ahh, sisterhood. gotta love it.
will post more pics and stories as soon ....
Twenty-five hours there. In the car. Spread over three days.
Twenty six and a half hours back. In the car. Spread over two days.
We traveled through six states. We spent ten nights in five different spots. We saw relatives in Georgia, relatives in florida and very special friends we adopted with in 04 and 06 in Tennessee. We went to the twice beach, spent a night and a very full day at Disney World and swam in Grandma and Grandpa's pool. The girls played and played and played with their cousins, grandparents and friends. And now, spring break is done. We're back. And boy, are we ever bushed.
This level of exhaustion rivals how we felt when we returned from China in 06. It is not as severe, of course, but it is the same sort of drop dead exhaustion, where everything just aches. The ride back was a killer - picture one big traffic jam, filled with plenty of construction stops, rain and crowds, crowds, crowds and very little sleep. But we sure did have fun.
Today I never got a shower. Didn’t get a lick of housework done. Had, short of maybe 30 minutes to pray, zero time to be alone from 5:30 a.m. until now, 10:30 p.m. --- yet it was a wonderful, awesome day. What made it that way? My girls. I love being with them and love to see their friendship blossom.
Today we attended a mom’s program at church that just fed my soul and inspired me to be a better mom. The rest of the day was pretty routine – lunch, nap, homework, bath… and a few out-of-the ordinary things. We made cookies together. We gave our cookies away to neighbors. We splashed in puddles (actually they splashed, I laughed). We looked at photo albums – their request – Hua Hua’s adoption book, Rachel’s adoption book and mommy and daddy’s wedding album. They cracked up at the wedding picture of daddy and mommy feeding each other cake. We had a great time!
I’m afraid I haven’t been blogging much lately because life has been so busy. We had to make a decision about kindergarten, and after visiting several schools, talking to many people, and praying, praying, praying, we felt led to enter Hua Hua in our neighborhood school for next year. Our other major time consuming activity is getting ready to leave for florida in less than a week. We’ll visit Dan’s family there, making some stops with my brother and his family on the way down and friends we adopted both children with on the way back. We are very excited but there are so many details and, well, just getting thru the week is often more than I can handle! LOL!!
Today has been a day when it would be tempting to just throw my arms up, fix the scowl on my brow and stay that way until i go to bed. But i won't. I'm going to keep thinking of the positive, and think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. (to borrow from philippians 4:8)
so ...
1. Instead of looking out at the endless snow, freezing my tail off as i slip down the driveway, and dwelling on how the weatherman just said we can expect snow into April, and possibly even May, I'm going to remember how weathermen are often wrong, think about our upcoming trip to florida and look at the sun and be grateful it is not cloudy.
2. Today, for the third day in a row, the girls have done nothing but whine, cry, fight and complain. (Urgh!!!) I know much of this is from rachel's nap schedule being disrupted (kid doesn't do well when you mess with her schedule!) and Hua Hua's trouble adjusting to change (daddy's break is over and he's at work, her best friend at school is in a wheel chair and things are different). So, i will think about how this will soon end, how i my girls usually play awesome and are best friends, and I am getting out of the hosuse tonight for bible study! :-)
I've lost my new cell phone, a special christmas gift from my husband, and i'm so depressed. The worst part is i don't even know when I lost it. I know I had it Sunday night, when we got home from a spontaneous trip to chicago. (more on that later). I'm pretty sure i put it in the diaper bag monday before we headed out to dance, but after that it is a blur.
When i try to calll it, it goes straight to my voice mail, which means either the battery is dead or i turned it off, soemthing i only do when i am home. So, did it somehow get misplaced at home? If so, where? I've looked in all the logical places and i cant find it.
Did i lose it when i was out? I've called the dance studio, meijer, the library - i just don't don't. And I'm so depressed.
Dan just told me that if someone found it and is using it, we could be getting a huge bill next month. I just feel sick about this, but try as i might, i can't find it. I'm obsessed by this, and don't knwo what to do.
