Getting Elizabeth... and Rachel

No computer

We are entering week two of no computer. About two days after we got our lights back on, we started having problems with our computer, and then it died. Dan went out of town for a week to take a class for work, and he came back friday night. he worked on it all day yesterday (saturday) and the conclusion is it is completely dead. we are beyond bummed because we do not have the money right now for a new one. But, come monday, we will have to go find one -- in this day and age, ya can't live without a computer! I have lots of pictures to share of the girls, lots of stories to tell, but no way to record them.

And, on Tuesday, it is hua hua's fifth birthday. Those pictures will be delayed, too. I'm also very bummed because i've lost everyone's blog addresses, e-mails ... if you've shared it with me before, would you mind sharing it again? please send it to my e-mail, and i'll respond when i get it working, so that way you'll know i got it, or right here is fine, too. can't wait until we are on-line again!

Doggie birth parents

"Mommy, my little doggie misses his birth parents," Hua Hua said, matter of factly, of the new stuffed animal she held in her hands, an animal she received just hours before at a birthday party for a friend.

"Oh," I said sympathetically, not sure where this conversation was going.

"But I told him I am his mama now. He is very happy i'm his mama," she said, hugging her little stuffed dog. "So, even though he misses his birth parents, everything is going to be ok." And then she ran off to play, stuffed dog in tow, leaving me puzzled over where that conversation came from.

Hua Hua got the dog yesterday at a birthday party held at a pet shop. The kids went into a special area and one by one the puppies - all of which were adorable and for sale -  played with the kids. When play time was done, the kids got to pick out a stuffed animal (Hua hua chose a plush puppy), then they took the animal to a store worker who filled the animal with fluff. The kids then went to another place where their stuffed animal was put into a cardboard cage, and their name was recorded on a certificate,which was stuck into the box. With puppies in hand the  kids went to into another room for pizza and cake. Hua Hua had a blast, and was near tears when the party was done and it was time to come home.

That night, after Hua Hua and her new stuffed dog were tucked in bed sleeping and the odd conversation long past, i found the cardboard box on the floor. In it was a piece of paper. The paper was the dog's "adoption certificate ' in capital extra large letters. The stuffed dog's new  'owner ', according to the certificate was "Hwa Hwa." The date of the adoption, yesterday. As I read this, my odd conversation with our nearly 5 year old daughter made sense. This dog, someone must had told her, was adopted and had a certificate to prove it. She was its new owner, i.e. Mama. And our dear sweet daughter was trying to figure this out. Adoption is such a loaded word, full of many meanings. And used so casually, without an afterthought, by so many. But for those who have been adopted and have adopted,there is nothing casual or how-cute about it. The word means something.

If only more people, like the creators of stuffed animal "adoptions", got it.

modern problems

Last week a bad storm whipped thru town and we lost power for four days. This week our computer died. what next?

there is so much going on: Hua Hua can now ride her bike without training wheels. (she has many scratches and scabs to prove it was a learning process!). She also is getting her first adult tooth in, right behind the baby tooth, much to her delight.  Hua hua is also getting so close to reading, sounding out more and more words all the time.

Rachel is really coming into her own, talking up a storm and getting into everything and ...

to totally switch the topics, our dear friends whom we adopted rachel and hua hua with are in china right now adopting their 5 1/2 year old son! tomorrow they meet him. at a bus station. we are praying for them and their son and family's adjsutment. we are so excited for them ...

http://hannaclan.blogspot.com/

Going to the christian school!

Hi Everyone,

I'm a little late in posting this. (sorry!!) but a few people have been e-mailing asking what happened re: hua Hua's school. She is going to the christian school!! We are very excited. Just got back this morning from paying our enrollment fee and buying some clothing. (the school requires a uniform). We were nto able to buy much at the school because the company that sells them barely brought any small sizes. (Hua Hua, who normally wears a 4 or 5, wears a 3 in the uniform). But the few pieces we did bring home is all Hua Hua has wanted to wear. (she loves the catholic girl-looking plaid and pleated skirt look!) Hua Hua had a lot of fun. She met several girls she will go to school with and she met some kids a year older than her who were adopted from china (she ran up to them and asked them if they were chinese! :-) ) and that made her very very happy when she found out they were. One of the moms of a kindergartener even took my name and number to get the girls together over the summer. ...but i digress....

big news ... we're going to the christian school and we are so, so, so excited!

This is the week

This is the week where we'll learn whether Hua Hua is attending the christian school we applied at or the public school. Hua Hua will be interviewed Wednesday. Dan and I will be interviewed Wednesday. The interviews are the last step in our many, many, many step application process. and then by Friday we will know whether or not we qualify for a scholarship - which is what admission is hanging on for us.

I've been thinking and praying a lot about school lately. The more I pray, the more I hope the Christian school works out. Tonight i read an article in the freep that i just can't shake. Apparently a school district near us (Trudy - it is your district, if you're reading!) will add to its sex education curriculum so that 7-9th graders will practice properly putting on a condom on some sort of model in class, and they will be playing sex games - designed to teach them other safe sex practices in a fun way. (nothing like de-sensitizing them and giving them tips!!). The school previously had an absence program. I found this whole article absolutely incredible. Why do kids need to be taught this in school? Why?

I can't wait until we know where our girl will go ... just four more days to wait -- and pray.

Busy busy...

This is ....

the last full week of preschool.

The week of Hua Hua's dress rehearsal (tomorrow) and dance recital (Saturday).

And the beginning of life - hopefully - getting a litte less structured as one by one school, then dance, then soccer, and finally chinese school break for the year. It feels like this frantic race to the end of the classroom year is about to come to a screeching halt - and I can hardly wait. Let summer begin!!!

Mother's day...

Today is Mother's Day. It's not that long ago when I dreaded this day. As much as I loved my mom (and of course still do!), during our 10 year infertility experience, Mother's Day was a painful annual reminder of how God had not answered our prayer for children. it was a day when Motherhoood was celebrated everywhere so there was no escaping the wound of being barren, a wound that stung more than I could ever put into words. I remember avoiding church every Mother's day - and still cringe at how church's handle this day. While no one means to do anything other than to honor moms, for those who long to be moms, who pray continually to be one, and who are met, for whatever reason, with unanswered prayer, the church's policy of handing mothers flowers, having them stand and be applauded, praising their work while never acknowledging infertility -well, it's the worst.

So, I guess because of this background, even today i approach Mother's day with mixed feelings- excitement for the now, still remembering the pain of the before. Today I woke up not expecting much. Dan took his choir to Ohio and cedar pointe yesterday for a competition. he got home at nearly 2 a.m. today. He's exhausted. But by 5;30 a.m. I knew soemtihng was up. Hua Hua was awake and in our room wondering if it was time for the surprise. At 7 a.m. Hua Hua and Dan were up, and I was told to stay in bed. A short time later both girls, and their Daddy slowly came into my room. Both girls were jumping up and down with excitement. Much to my surprise they had fixed me a glass of mango juice - in a beautiful new wine glass. With some help from Daddy they had cut up a mixture of my favorite fruits served in a beautiful new bowl. and they had filled another new shiny bowl with my favorite cereal, all served on a new shiny tray.

While rachel said happy birthday :-) --- Hua Hua said happy mother's day. They smoothered me with hugs and kisses, and I never felt more loved while daddy smiled on from nearby. While God did not answer my prayers for motherhood how I envisioned or in my timing, He sure has blessed me more than I could ever hope for or imagine and I can honestly say would not want things any other way than how they are today. I love my girls and husband so much. This is already the best Mother's day i've ever had. Happy mother's day to all the mom's out there ... and all those who long in their heart to be one some day.

We made a decision!

We're applying to the Christian school for kindergarten! After much prayer and visits to the school, conversations with other parents there,  conversations with the principal, more prayer, and an amazing amount of paperwork-  we are applying....

On Friday Hua Hua goes in for some sort of developmental testing before her regular preschool class. On Saturday she goes in again for a sample kindergarten class before chinese school, and then we wait. If the elder board decides to help us with tuition costs and we're accepted, we'll enroll her and my life starting in fall will involve A LOT of time in the car but hopefully the school will be everything we hope it will be, making it all more than worth it.

And if we don't get the scholarship help, well, mark this down as a learning process and we're back at the public school having to decide between five full days or five half days. Thanks for everyone who has encouraged us on this. Now the waiting begins!

Gasping for air

We are a month into crunch time, and boy, am i feeling it. By crunch time I mean the time of year when Dan is working 24/7 -- or so it feels, between choir, musicals, summer music camp planning, end of year stuff, private students, etc. He works at home on the weekends and he works often until the kids are in bed during the week. It is exhausting for him, and having him gone and working so much, is exhausting for me. We're one month into this ... we have nearly two months more to go.

Add to this that I am fighting a cold that has just sapped my energy. Add to that poor sleeping -- hua hua has been waking between 3-5 pretty regularly for the past week with bad dreams. Add to that extra end of the year stuff we have (dance recital costume-rehearsal-practice issues, speech contests, kindergarten preparation-- visiting schools, filling out forms, making decisions...) add to that mounds of yard work that needs to be tended to now and can't wait until late June, add to that all the normal cooking three meals a day, raising the kids, house stuff and, well, I'm feeling exhausted and defeated.

I think one of the hardest things about being a stay-at-home moms is one of the greatest blessings -- you're home with your kids. That means the work is never done. And of course, on the flip, the blessings are countless. I'm trying to keep my mind focused on the later.

Soccer girl

Hua Hua is playing soccer! She's on the munchkin team -- about 40 or 50 kids who all practice together on Tuesday and then team up to play a half dozen games or so on thursdays. Man, does she love it!

On Monday we picked out her shoes, socks, shin guards and ball -- all pink, of course. When we brought them home that day, i had the hardest time getting her to take them off. the coach of her league is great - he manages to keep the attention of 40-50 boys and girls, all ages 4 to 6, and teach them things as well, which is amazing. It is a no-stress league where the teams switch each week and where he tries to match kids with their skill level. Hua Hua played her first game tonight and she did pretty well. She and a big boy on the opposite team seemed to be going against each other with the ball most of the night - she even shot two goals -- but unfortuately she shot them in a neighboring goal net, verses the one she was supposed to shoot it in, so it didnt count! the first picture is of her at practice Tuesday, the second is of the game - with her and the big boy going at it.

Grandma and Grandpa came along and shot some video. If you'd like to see her in action, click here:

First crush

Hua Hua has her first crush. His name is Max. I'm not quite sure what to make of this.

Max is in her preschool one day each week. But Hua Hua talks about him every day. She tries to figure out what type of things boys play, in hopes of being able to play them with Max. She draws pictures of her and Max. She asked me how to spell Max, and when I told her, she started writing Hua Hua (then she drew a heart) Max, and other times she writes Max (draws a heart) Hua Hua. She wears special pretty clothes to school on Wednesdays, the day max is there. And lately she has started wanting to wear her hair in braids- a look she thinks he likes. She wants Max to come over and play.

Max has brown hair. Bangs. Green eyes. he's tall, for a 5 year old, and seems a little shy. He's often standing around her or following her, looking sweet but a little uncomfortable. I have no idea who his mother is. It is always the father or grandparents who pick him up. And this whole thing has caught me by surprise.

I never had a crush so young. It is certainly innoncent enough, and when preschool ends in four or 5 weeks, i doubt we'll see Max again. But my, my ... why does this stuff have to start so young??

Speech contest

I wasn't sure how she'd do. I tried my best to prepare her. But secretly, I was worried. Very worried.

Today was the speech contest for Hua Hua's chinese school. She was assigned a poem to recite and read. It was 8 lines. It was a tricky one, unlike some of the sing-song ones that she already knew from her videos, and she was having some trouble getting it down. So we practiced. And practiced. And practiced. She memorized it, but would often need help with the first word of the 6th and the 7th line. Without it she would get stuck. And whenever we rehearsed, she was uncharacteristically shy. Didn't want me to look at her when she "performed." yet alone i caught her often reciting it, and I could tell she was excited. Then finally today came - the big day.

My sweet little girl was the third child to go. She followed a 7 and 8 year old - the oldest kids in her class who performed their poems perfectly. Then it was her turn. She went to the stage, faced about 200-250 people, and, unlike the bigger kids, she would not let go of her teacher's hand. Holding on to her teacher for dear life, a look of total fear filled her face, she said her poem in record speed, and yes, she did stumble over the two lines that always tripped her up but she kept going and going.

When finished she said thank you in chinese. She bowed before the judges and audience, and practically ran off the stage, still glued to her teacher. It took all that was in me to not run to her, sweep her up in my arms and smother her with hugs and kisses.

At the end of the day she did not win the trophies for her class. (three trophies went out, two to the kids who proceeded her.) But she, like everyone else in her group, got a medal. It's big, bright, and very special. She beamed. She and rachel and i went out to mcdonald's to celebrate after. Lots of other families from her school showed up there, too. Hua Hua told everyone she met about her medal, and kept it on thru her meal and playing and the car ride home.

I hope she remembers the feeling she has now with her medal, and forgets the fear of standing before the big crowd. Just remembering all this morning, has got me all choked up. Sure love my little trooper.

Kindergarten ... but where?

I am so confused about kindergarten. Remember how i was last year with preschool? this year it feels like deja vue ... unfortunately. After prayer and visits to various schools, Dan and I thought we were all set with sending Hua Hua to our local public school for kindergarten in the fall and THEN...

- Our church announced that special scholarships were going to be available to help church families enroll their kids at the church's school.

- and our local public school decided to change their entire format, handle the change and announcement extremely poorly, and cause us to wonder if this is where we want Hua Hua to be.

So, today I got to see both schools back to back. First stop was our local public school. Hua Hua joined about 25 other kids for a kindergarten-like program where the kindergarten teachers met the kids, got to see a bit of their skill level for placement and introduce them to the building while the parents listened to a very slanted presentation about why all these changes are good.

AND THEN the girls and i high-tailed it to our church's christian school, where friendly people met us at the door, fussed over the girls, and took us on a tour of the school that completely dazzled me - much to my surprize, i might add, and left me so excited, I was ready to sign Hua Hua up right then and there.

So what to do?

trying to keep up

The picture on the far left is of Rachel and her cousin Jacob. The two are a month apart. Aren't they the cutest? They saw each other on our trip ... that feels like a few months ago... (is it really true we've only been home for two weeks???)

And the picture in the middle is of Rachel being pushed by Rachel - our friend's daughter. Both of our Rachel's were born in Xiushan, Chongqing. And the last picture is of Hua  Hua with her friend Audrey - both born in qianjiang, Chongqing. It was so much fun to see the girls together....

I'm afraid I've been missing in blog land because life is so busy! some highlights... unpacking from florida, raking leaves (i've raked 30 bags and we easily have that many bags still out there in the giant yard), handling most stuff around the house & with the kids (dan is in crunch time at work and home very little now thru the end of june), watching Tai - my parent's dog, enrolling hua hua in soccer (starts next week!) and the biggie ... dealing with kindergarten.

Our school district held a meeting over the weekend and decided to switch to full day every day kindergarten - not what we want or what we registered for. So, we are trying to figure out what to do.  It looks like the district may keep things the same for some families at some schools - we are waiting to see. it's all very confusing now and has been the buzz in our house, and our neighborhood, and for me personally, the subject of much prayer.

a few vacation pics

During our trip we spent two days visiting Clearwater beach - one of our favorite spots by Dan's parents. In the old pre-kid days, Dan and i spent our time swimming in the ocean, and when we were exhausted from that, collapsing in the sand with a good book. This time, with two young girls to watch, we took the divide and conquer approach. Dan spent his time with Hua Hua, whose favorite activity was to search for beautiful seashells and put them in her pail to take home. And I took Rachel, whose favorite activity was to run as fast as she could in one direction, stop, jump around in the sand, do a little song and dance number, maybe pick up some wet slippery sand with her bare hand and put it in a pail, then run as fast as possible in the other direction and repeat.

Once or twice rachel tried to "help" hua hua collect seashells. by helping she struck her shovel to a big sandy mound of cracked seashell pieces and dumped them into hua hua's pail of special, meticulously cleaned and near perfect shells - to her sister's dismay. Rachel would say something like, "help hua Hua," while hua hua would be near hysterical from the help. ahh, sisterhood. gotta love it.

will post more pics and stories as soon ....